I will miss nights like last night.
Hugs from my freshly showered, footie-pajama-ed boys. Fixing their cuts and scrapes from the day and helping Richard (one of our boys with special needs) brush his teeth, because if Melissa and I don't, no one will. Quizzing those who had an exam today on their multiplication facts, and letting them jump around and act wild for a few minutes to let out some energy before bed. Saying "buenas noches" and "te quiero mucho mucho mucho" 57 times and then some. Walking home to a picturesque sunset that only our God could have created and coming home to my sister Andi saying "so what are we gonna make for dinner?" Enjoying fresh guacamole that only Honduran avocados seem to make right and then sitting outside and reading God's love letter to me while hearing shrieks of joy in the background as the older girls head back from their discipleship meeting. Getting into bed and finding a heart-shaped balloon from who, I don't know, and messaging family and friends back home before heading to sleep. Busy nights? Sometimes. Would I trade them? Never.
And I will miss mornings like this morning.
Waking up at the same time that I have been everyday this week and thinking "siempre." Then shaking my head at the fact that the first thought I had today was in spanish and not english. Waking up to a link to a blogpost sent by a friend, and receiving an encouraging word before even getting out of bed. Having fellowship first thing in the morning as Melissa and I walk to our boys house and having a staff member say "how are you two so happy, so early?" Seeing the boys on their knees with their faces to the floor praying and asking God to bless this day, and to bless those who won't be eating breakfast that morning. The unexplainable pride and joy that comes from hearing those words out of the mouths of children whose parents abandoned them. Hearing "buenas dias" 57 times and then some and receiving the very same hugs I had the night before. Little pajamas to wash and hang out to dry. Hot cereal and coffee with my boys. More hugs and saying "tanga un buen dia" and "portase bien" 57 times as they head off to school. A half hour to read the Word before going to work at the office. Early mornings? Always. But I have been blessed by each and every one of them.
24 more nights like last night, and 23 mornings like this morning. The days left in this season are numbered and even on days like today when I feel tired and yes, even a little grumpy, I am so thankful that I have been blessed with my time here at Emmanuel.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Friday, July 26, 2013
"Follow Me"
As of the 24th, I have one month left here at Emmanuel, which means I am halfway through my Honduran summer. This is bittersweet for me, but I am continuously drawn back to Ecclesiastes 3 which tells us that "for everything there is a season." And boy has this season been full.
In January, I arrived in Honduras, completely unaware of how much change was about to take place in me. In February, I learned about seizure disorders in the clinic while helping to care for a girl with epilepsy. In March, I met my 57 boys who have wormed their way into a place in my heart I didn't know existed. In April, I co-taught a special needs class here at Emmanuel and I believe I learned way more than the kids could have during those classes. In May, I began saying my first round of "not goodbye"s, but "see you later"s. In June, I was welcomed back with open arms by the kids I love so dearly... and I realized that even after 5 weeks without speaking spanish I could still handle myself alright as far as communication was concerned. And July- now that has been an adventure.
I have learned more about the power of prayer these past few weeks than I have in all of my mere 20 years of life. James has always been one of my favorite books of the Bible, but recently a friend of mine here showed me a passage I never noticed before:
"Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops." -James 5:17-18
Elijah's prayer was so powerful that it did not rain, not for one year, not for two years, but for three and a half years. And it wasn't because Elijah was in a place of power, or of high authority. He wasn't a king, or even one of Jesus' 12 disciples. Elijah was a man JUST LIKE US! And yet God heard and answered his prayer in a way no one would have imagined. The power of prayer has nothing to do with how much power the person praying that prayer holds... it has to do with the power of the God hearing that prayer. And the faith in which that person prays. James 1:6 says "but let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind."
...This is where I paused for a couple of days. When I pray, am I really asking in faith? Do I really believe that my prayers will be answered or am I just sitting and hoping that they will be? I have found myself challenging myself as I pray, and it has changed the way I look at my time in prayer.
So Scripturally, these are some of the things that have taught me about the power of prayer. Now let me tell you a little about how God has worked in my life... and how that has added to these Biblical lessons.
A lot of the people that I meet here from the States come from the south... Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee. One area in particular that is very common here is Auburn, Alabama... especially in the summer. I have met so many people from that area since being here, and girls in the house have joked with me about moving down there. It started out as a joke, and turned into a thought that I began praying about. One day my friend Melissa and I sat down to pray about what was on our hearts. For me, moving to Auburn was one of those things..and so we sat for about a half an hour pouring our hearts out to the Lord together.
The next day was a Wednesday. Every morning here the kids have what we call "morning circle," which is a time where the kids stand together and listen to a devotion given by one of the staff here, and when teams are here, a team member will speak. A guy from the team (which was by no coincidence from Auburn) spoke about Jonah. After he finished telling the story to the kids, he said "If you feel God is telling you to do something, don't be afraid to do it." That pulled at my heart and I wasn't sure exactly why. That morning I was supposed to help my friend Amy teach English class, and when we went down to the school we found there was no first period english class. And so we went to the office to print out papers for the kids in the next class.
Side note: I had been working in the office for the past week, and hadn't had much work to do because no group members had come in to ask about sponsorship for the kids. Working with Amy had been another answer to pray because I was feeling a little out of place, like I didn't have a job at the time. 2 hours after Melissa and I finished praying the night before, Amy had announced she needed help in class. Gracias a Dios.
As we got down to the office there was a group of women waiting to sit down and talk about sponsorship. I found it a little ironic that I had not had any work all week, and now that Amy needed my help I was needed in the office, however I gladly sat down to help them. As they looked through pictures of the kids they told me they were from Auburn, and it was almost like I felt God poking at me saying to tell them I was considering moving there. And so I did. They began to tell me all about the huge college group at their church and asked me what kind of work I was looking to find. As I told them I was a PCA back home for kids with special needs, the woman in front of me told me she worked at an Assisted Living home. She said that I needed to talk to a man from the team named Milton, because he could help me get a job at a Medical Center down there that could potentially put me through school. I was thrilled, and determined to find him at church that night. We exchanged emails, and after they were finished with finding their children to sponsor they went on their way.
Later that day, I saw those women sitting at a table and I stopped to talk to them. They told me I needed to talk to a girl here who was a nursing student at Auburn. As I was walking to my boys house for dinner I saw a girl with an Auburn shirt on, and so I stopped her to see if she was that girl- she was. We began walking back in the direction I came from as she filled me in on the program there. We finished our conversation and I turned to walk once again back to my boys house. I turned around and there was a man from the team walking in my direction. I lifted my hand to say "hi, how's it goin" and continue to the boys house, when he stopped me and said "I've been here all week and I haven't met you yet, what's your name?" ...now I don't know about down south, but up north, that's not a common thing to do. I thought it was odd, but I introduced myself. "Hi Kalli, I'm Milton" was his response. There's no way, I thought. I told him I was supposed to talk to him about getting a job in Auburn and after asking me a few questions he said "done, we're gonna make it happen." We made plans to exchange contact information after church and I continued on to my boys house.
Unreal. It was no coincidence that the man I was supposed to talk to about getting a job walked up to me and introduced himself. I don't believe in coincidences, I believe in God. I believe in the power of prayer. As I told Melissa about all of this I said "in 24 hours God has answered almost every prayer I prayed last night... now all I need is a place to live." In saying this, I had no expectations I would find that that night. However, a friend of mine from Auburn introduced me to her dad after church, and wouldn't you know they offered to let me stay with them for a couple months until I got settled. This was way too much to process in one day, but I was starting to take this whole moving thing seriously. Since that day I have met 2 other people who have offered to get me a job at the same medical center in that area.
And it is no coincidence that in these past weeks I have read and heard the multiple passages in Matthew commanding those who want to follow Jesus to leave everything behind, and do it. Immediately. In Matthew 4, Jesus tells Simon Peter and Andrew to follow Him. And they leave their fishing nets behind, and they go.. immediately. In Matthew 8 Jesus tells those who want to follow Him to not even wait to bury their own father... but to go with Him immediately. "And when He got int he boat, his disciples followed Him" (Matthew 8:23). In Matthew 9, a man leaves behind his tax business to follow Jesus as commanded. In Matthew 10 and 16 we are commanded to "take up our cross" and follow Him. The guy speaking on this passage made it come alive to me when he explained that back then a cross was a form of a deadly weapon. I don't think that in this day and age we fully understand the power of that commandment, and the intensity of its meaning. We are not called to half heartedly follow Jesus. We are called to leave everything behind, even our family members, and our businesses, to take up our cross daily and follow Jesus. And in Matthew 19 Jesus asks even more. A man asks Jesus what "good deed" he must do to earn eternal life (v 16). Jesus' response is "why do you ask me about what is good? There is only One who is good" (v 17). Jesus then tells the man he must follow the ten commandments, which he then lists off. The man says "All these I have kept. What do I still lack?" (v 20). Jesus doesn't tell him "ah alright man you're good then." He doesn't say "good work, you're a good guy, keep on livin' life to the fullest." Jesus says "sell what you posess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me" (v 21). And what did that man do? He walked away, sad... because he had a lot of cool stuff (v 22).
These past few weeks, God has not just taught me about the power of prayer. He has taught me what it really means to be a follower of Christ. And He has challenged me to do it. And so I am. I don't know what God has in store for me down in Alabama. All I know, is the peace I have about making this decision is the same peace I had back in October when I decided to come here. And that was the best decision I have ever made thus far.
Another Auburn friend of mine here received money randomly all week from team members. Enough money to buy a plane ticket... and so she told me she had decided to buy one for me. She bought it Wednesday night, and Thursday afternoon I found $50 on my bed. I have no idea where that money came from, but it is just one more way God has provided for me. And so that money also went towards my plane ticket. I will be going to Alabama for 10 days the first week of September to figure out my job situation and all the other details... please be praying for that!
This is a lot to digest, I know. It is for me as well. However I ask that you please be praying for me as I make this move, that God would continue to be clear in directing me and that I will be willing to follow Him no matter what it means giving up. I don't know yet where I will go to school, or when, but I am trusting that God will show me when I need to know... and that's all I need.
In January, I arrived in Honduras, completely unaware of how much change was about to take place in me. In February, I learned about seizure disorders in the clinic while helping to care for a girl with epilepsy. In March, I met my 57 boys who have wormed their way into a place in my heart I didn't know existed. In April, I co-taught a special needs class here at Emmanuel and I believe I learned way more than the kids could have during those classes. In May, I began saying my first round of "not goodbye"s, but "see you later"s. In June, I was welcomed back with open arms by the kids I love so dearly... and I realized that even after 5 weeks without speaking spanish I could still handle myself alright as far as communication was concerned. And July- now that has been an adventure.
I have learned more about the power of prayer these past few weeks than I have in all of my mere 20 years of life. James has always been one of my favorite books of the Bible, but recently a friend of mine here showed me a passage I never noticed before:
"Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops." -James 5:17-18
Elijah's prayer was so powerful that it did not rain, not for one year, not for two years, but for three and a half years. And it wasn't because Elijah was in a place of power, or of high authority. He wasn't a king, or even one of Jesus' 12 disciples. Elijah was a man JUST LIKE US! And yet God heard and answered his prayer in a way no one would have imagined. The power of prayer has nothing to do with how much power the person praying that prayer holds... it has to do with the power of the God hearing that prayer. And the faith in which that person prays. James 1:6 says "but let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind."
...This is where I paused for a couple of days. When I pray, am I really asking in faith? Do I really believe that my prayers will be answered or am I just sitting and hoping that they will be? I have found myself challenging myself as I pray, and it has changed the way I look at my time in prayer.
So Scripturally, these are some of the things that have taught me about the power of prayer. Now let me tell you a little about how God has worked in my life... and how that has added to these Biblical lessons.
A lot of the people that I meet here from the States come from the south... Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee. One area in particular that is very common here is Auburn, Alabama... especially in the summer. I have met so many people from that area since being here, and girls in the house have joked with me about moving down there. It started out as a joke, and turned into a thought that I began praying about. One day my friend Melissa and I sat down to pray about what was on our hearts. For me, moving to Auburn was one of those things..and so we sat for about a half an hour pouring our hearts out to the Lord together.
The next day was a Wednesday. Every morning here the kids have what we call "morning circle," which is a time where the kids stand together and listen to a devotion given by one of the staff here, and when teams are here, a team member will speak. A guy from the team (which was by no coincidence from Auburn) spoke about Jonah. After he finished telling the story to the kids, he said "If you feel God is telling you to do something, don't be afraid to do it." That pulled at my heart and I wasn't sure exactly why. That morning I was supposed to help my friend Amy teach English class, and when we went down to the school we found there was no first period english class. And so we went to the office to print out papers for the kids in the next class.
Side note: I had been working in the office for the past week, and hadn't had much work to do because no group members had come in to ask about sponsorship for the kids. Working with Amy had been another answer to pray because I was feeling a little out of place, like I didn't have a job at the time. 2 hours after Melissa and I finished praying the night before, Amy had announced she needed help in class. Gracias a Dios.
As we got down to the office there was a group of women waiting to sit down and talk about sponsorship. I found it a little ironic that I had not had any work all week, and now that Amy needed my help I was needed in the office, however I gladly sat down to help them. As they looked through pictures of the kids they told me they were from Auburn, and it was almost like I felt God poking at me saying to tell them I was considering moving there. And so I did. They began to tell me all about the huge college group at their church and asked me what kind of work I was looking to find. As I told them I was a PCA back home for kids with special needs, the woman in front of me told me she worked at an Assisted Living home. She said that I needed to talk to a man from the team named Milton, because he could help me get a job at a Medical Center down there that could potentially put me through school. I was thrilled, and determined to find him at church that night. We exchanged emails, and after they were finished with finding their children to sponsor they went on their way.
Later that day, I saw those women sitting at a table and I stopped to talk to them. They told me I needed to talk to a girl here who was a nursing student at Auburn. As I was walking to my boys house for dinner I saw a girl with an Auburn shirt on, and so I stopped her to see if she was that girl- she was. We began walking back in the direction I came from as she filled me in on the program there. We finished our conversation and I turned to walk once again back to my boys house. I turned around and there was a man from the team walking in my direction. I lifted my hand to say "hi, how's it goin" and continue to the boys house, when he stopped me and said "I've been here all week and I haven't met you yet, what's your name?" ...now I don't know about down south, but up north, that's not a common thing to do. I thought it was odd, but I introduced myself. "Hi Kalli, I'm Milton" was his response. There's no way, I thought. I told him I was supposed to talk to him about getting a job in Auburn and after asking me a few questions he said "done, we're gonna make it happen." We made plans to exchange contact information after church and I continued on to my boys house.
Unreal. It was no coincidence that the man I was supposed to talk to about getting a job walked up to me and introduced himself. I don't believe in coincidences, I believe in God. I believe in the power of prayer. As I told Melissa about all of this I said "in 24 hours God has answered almost every prayer I prayed last night... now all I need is a place to live." In saying this, I had no expectations I would find that that night. However, a friend of mine from Auburn introduced me to her dad after church, and wouldn't you know they offered to let me stay with them for a couple months until I got settled. This was way too much to process in one day, but I was starting to take this whole moving thing seriously. Since that day I have met 2 other people who have offered to get me a job at the same medical center in that area.
And it is no coincidence that in these past weeks I have read and heard the multiple passages in Matthew commanding those who want to follow Jesus to leave everything behind, and do it. Immediately. In Matthew 4, Jesus tells Simon Peter and Andrew to follow Him. And they leave their fishing nets behind, and they go.. immediately. In Matthew 8 Jesus tells those who want to follow Him to not even wait to bury their own father... but to go with Him immediately. "And when He got int he boat, his disciples followed Him" (Matthew 8:23). In Matthew 9, a man leaves behind his tax business to follow Jesus as commanded. In Matthew 10 and 16 we are commanded to "take up our cross" and follow Him. The guy speaking on this passage made it come alive to me when he explained that back then a cross was a form of a deadly weapon. I don't think that in this day and age we fully understand the power of that commandment, and the intensity of its meaning. We are not called to half heartedly follow Jesus. We are called to leave everything behind, even our family members, and our businesses, to take up our cross daily and follow Jesus. And in Matthew 19 Jesus asks even more. A man asks Jesus what "good deed" he must do to earn eternal life (v 16). Jesus' response is "why do you ask me about what is good? There is only One who is good" (v 17). Jesus then tells the man he must follow the ten commandments, which he then lists off. The man says "All these I have kept. What do I still lack?" (v 20). Jesus doesn't tell him "ah alright man you're good then." He doesn't say "good work, you're a good guy, keep on livin' life to the fullest." Jesus says "sell what you posess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me" (v 21). And what did that man do? He walked away, sad... because he had a lot of cool stuff (v 22).
These past few weeks, God has not just taught me about the power of prayer. He has taught me what it really means to be a follower of Christ. And He has challenged me to do it. And so I am. I don't know what God has in store for me down in Alabama. All I know, is the peace I have about making this decision is the same peace I had back in October when I decided to come here. And that was the best decision I have ever made thus far.
Another Auburn friend of mine here received money randomly all week from team members. Enough money to buy a plane ticket... and so she told me she had decided to buy one for me. She bought it Wednesday night, and Thursday afternoon I found $50 on my bed. I have no idea where that money came from, but it is just one more way God has provided for me. And so that money also went towards my plane ticket. I will be going to Alabama for 10 days the first week of September to figure out my job situation and all the other details... please be praying for that!
This is a lot to digest, I know. It is for me as well. However I ask that you please be praying for me as I make this move, that God would continue to be clear in directing me and that I will be willing to follow Him no matter what it means giving up. I don't know yet where I will go to school, or when, but I am trusting that God will show me when I need to know... and that's all I need.
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