Rafael "deteve"

This is Rafael, or as we all call him "deteve." By looking at his stick-figure frame it's impossible to tell that this bundle of joy is 18... it is not hard to tell he is also very sick. Deteve has been sick since I got her, however his condition has worsened over the past month. This boy captured my heart months ago and it hurts me to see him in so much pain. I'm asking you all to pray fervently for Deteve and his health. Pray that he will no longer have to be in pain as he has been as long as anyone can remember. He is a happy boy, and loves to goof off... just tonight when we visited him in the clinic, he made us wait to take these photos while he "freshened up" ...too cute! Please pray, friends. This sweet boy needs to get better.

The Home Stretch

If you had asked me 2 years ago if I would be overseas in the spring of 2013, surprisingly I would have said yes. This time 2 years ago I was graduating high school and excited to start in Messiah College's nursing program in the fall. My dream was to study abroad in my spring sophomore semester (the only semester nursing students are allowed to go abroad). Little did I know God had had plans that far exceeded my dreams at the time.

Today I'm writing this as a "break" from writing my final essays for the online classes I have been taking over the four months of being in Honduras. I did end up studying abroad the spring semester of my sophomore year... just not in the way I expected to! Having classes to do while being here was at times frustrating, and to be honest I did not enjoy it. I either had to do homework when I was exhausted from being with kids all day, or I had to skip being with kids to do homework... I disliked both of those options. My one "day off" a week consisted of always thinking about the homework I needed to get done, or actually doing it (I admit, I struggle with the ever common procrastination disease). However I know that it will be rewarding in the end when I'm not receiving loan bills in the mail this summer, and so it was worth it.

On top of studying english, history, and math while being here, I have also been studying spanish... in the absolute best way you can study the language: by being completely emersed in it. I came to Honduras with little to no spanish, and was completely overwhelmed  when I first got here. I slowly learned a few words, the most important ones when taking care of toddlers: sit down, calm down, get down, eat, bathroom... the crucial phrases for 2-4 year olds. Thankfully "no" is said the same in spanish as in english... just in case I wasn't sure of that I had a couple 4 year old girls remind me of that one. Then I began to really put in effort of making conversation with some of the older girls who worked at the toddler house. Through lots of confusion, frustration, and of course many times of being laughed at, I began to catch on.. as well as grow a love for these girls that I didn't know possible. To this day those girls have a giant piece of heart  and I don't know what I would do without them. Now, four months later I can hold a conversation fairly well. When left alone without a translator, I can get by. No, I am not fluent, and I don't understand everything said to me, but I have had several amazing conversations with kids here solely in spanish. Some of them have been hard to sit through, and I didn't always know what to say. I truly believe God gave me the ears to hear what these kids were saying regardless of my spanish knowledge, and the words to respond to comfort them as best I could.

Last night I had the privilege of watching Slum dog Millionare with my older girls at the toddler house (For those of you who have not seen this movie... you now have plans for tonight. I'm telling you, you won't regret it). I knew this movie would be a risk because it might bring up things from their past, however I really felt it would be good for them. Kenia cried, but I could see her heart truly feeling for those kids. Jesi was appalled. Many of them seemed shocked at things that happened... I don't think they realize this movie, that took place in India, could very well have taken place in Tegucigalpa. The scenery of hills covered in trash and houses piled on top of each other is the same scenery I see every time I leave this orphanage. The movie was in english, with Spanish subtitles and I was blessed to have enough understanding to talk those girls through the whole movie. They were either silent and listening, or asking questions of why things happened; guiding them through those emotions was one of the most eye opening experiences I have had here.

Last week in my small boys house one of the my boys who has been given more responsibilities was misbehaving during their cleaning time. His punishment? He wasn't allowed to clean the next day. I'm telling you, you would've thought I just took away and American 10 year old's play station for a month. He was so mad at me he wouldn't even look my direction all day. This was an ironic situation (I wish my mom took away my cleaning privileges when I misbehaved as a 10 year old), but also a learning one as well. It was difficult to have him be mad at me. Mom, I am so sorry for all those times I gave you the silent treatment! It was hard not to say "forget it Saul, you can go clean" (Im trying not to laugh as I write those words). But at the end of the day, he pulled me aside and apologized. After a hug, he immediately asked if he could clean again (I mean, seriously kid?) and I had to tell him he still could not for the rest of the day. THAT was hard! He apologized, I can take away his punishment now, right? But I knew that I needed to follow through so that he would learn there are consequences with his actions... even if it meant the silent treatment again. But he surprised me, and just smiled and said "okay, tomorrow" and walked to his room to take a shower. Moments like that, when a kid just gets it... they make up for all the moments where I feel like I'm pulling teeth to get the kids to listen.

It's my last week here until June, and I'm already preparing myself for saying bye to my kids. I know that I will be back here in a month, and so it is not as hard, but I will miss being with them everyday! I know that adjusting to life back into the states will be different, but I am excited to take all that I have learned here, all that I have grown in, back with me to put it to use for God's glory. I am so thankful for these past four months, and am so excited to have 2 more months with these kids (WITHOUT homework!)

"And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary" -Galations 6:9

Sick days

I think I have finally pinpointed the hardest part of this whole adventure for me: the kids can't have sick days. When I was little and would get sick, my mom would bring my pillow and blanket to the couch, tuck me in and watch a movie with me. She'd make me soup and bring me juice or ginger ale, and spoil me until I felt better.

Last week, one of my boys had a stomach bug with a fever... all I could do was give him Tums for his belly, Motrin for his fever, and a hug before sending him back with the other kids. When I went to check on him I found him sleeping in the shade because he was too sick to play with his friends.

Yesterday I noticed one of the boys who is particularly outgoing was strangely quiet... I felt his forehead and took his temperature and wouldn't you know, he had a fever. This morning he woke up with his face swollen, and I took him to the clinic to find out that he has an infection in his mouth. He was given Motrin and an antibiotic, and sent back to the house. I wished so badly I could tuck him into bed and let him watch a movie... but instead I had to send him to play with the other boys outside. He managed a half a smile (with the normal-sized side of his face) when I told him I would see him later, but I know he is in pain.

 I know these kids don't know the American life of being able to take a sick day, and so they don't even realize what they are missing. But after multiple days of taking care of sick children here, it still breaks my heart the same to see them sick or in pain and unable to rest in a comfortable bed. Don't get me wrong... these kids are very blessed. They receive three meals a day, clean clothes and a bed to sleep in. They never go without their needs being met here. Every child is hugged, and they know that they are loved by the staff and volunteers.

 The difference is that an orphanage's standard for care, and my standard for care are not the same. And that has been one of the most challenging things for me in the past 3 months... learning that my expectations for how these kids should be cared for is not realistic for here. Because my expectations, my standard, is coming from living in a family of 5, with a mom and a dad and a large home where we all had our own bed. Here, the kids live in a family of 600.

 In my boys house, there are 4 girls who help out between the ages of 16-22. There is myself, another volunteer, and 2 male staff members. I shared my mom and dad with 2 brothers. My boys have to share their 8 parental figures with 56 brothers. Maybe 8 sounds like a lot, because we are in an orphanage of 600 kids. I mean that's a 7:1 ratio right? But it's not enough. The kids are provided for, they are loved. But if I could have one thing in this life it would be that each and every one of these kids could experience the love of a real family.

And that's when I have to remind myself that they can.The book of Psalms is filled with promises for my boys. Psalm 68:5 tells them that God is a Father to the fatherless.  "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3).The Lord has promised my boys that even though their father and mother have forsaken them, He will take them in (Psalm 27:10). Jesus has spoken the words "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you" (John 14:8).  And so even though I may worry about Efrain, and Jose Miguel, and Cristian Josue. Even though I am human and I feel that Erik and Roy and Fernando don't have enough, that they aren't cared for the way I was as a 9 year old... God's love and care for these boys, for all the kids at Emmanuel, and for every child in this world, is sufficient.

Proverbs 18:10 says "the name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous runs into it and is safe." All I can picture when I read that promise is all 57 of my boys running and leaping into God's arm for a hug... and every single one of them fitting. Every single one of them receiving the same amount of love, the same amount of hugs, the same care, as I do. On this earth, our lives may be different. It may not be "fair." But this life is not what matters. It is short... eternity is not. And so all I really need to be focusing on while I am here, is showing these boys the love of our Father in Heaven... so that someday, we can all be with Him together, as one family.

Suly, one of the older girls who helps with the small boys,

enjoying a turn on the water slide!

57 boys all paying attention during their Bible Study...

such a beautiful thing

2 of the boys showing off their new socks and under garments,

thank you to those who have donated to Orphanage Emmanuel!

Jose Miguel and myself hiding from the sun the day of the water slide

(okay only I was hiding from the sun... Jose Miguel was just being his helpful self and keeping me company. I got a little too red during the week of Semana Santa!)

Time flies

Two weeks at Emmanuel can feel like two months.. and yet it flies by at the same time. Sometimes I will have a conversation with someone in the morning, and by the evening I think we haven't talked in days! I have about 5 weeks left until I fly home to Massachusetts, and I don't even want to think about how quickly that will creep up on me.

The past three weeks have been full of learning experiences, and have shown me how much I have grown in my faith here... and how much room I still have to grow (it's quite a bit of room).  
Last week I heard from the head of Westfield State University's nursing department.. I have been accepted into their nursing program for this upcoming fall! I was excited to hear this because of all of the hard work I have put in to get to this point, however with this excitement came a big decision. For the past couple of months I have been considering staying here at Emmanuel instead of returning home for school. After hearing I had an opportunity to go to nursing school, one I was so unsure I would ever receive, I had a million thoughts running through my head. The next afternoon, I received word from AIC's nursing department- I have also been accepted into their nursing department. I couldn't believe that both programs I applied to, I was accepted to... and that I found out within 24 hours of each other. I spoke with a lot of people about my options, and prayed more than I thought possible in a day... and have decided it is best for me to go home in the fall and begin nursing school. I pray that one day I can use this degree to serve the Lord overseas- whether it be here, or Haiti, or Argentina... wherever! But one of the most important things I have learned here is that if we are seeking God whole-heartedly and relying on him, He will show us where we need to go. God has been so faithful to me in so many ways these past six months, and I have no doubts that He will continue to provide for me.

Although I will be going home in the fall, I have still decided to return to Emmanuel for the summer. And so the second or third week of June I will be returning here, until the second or third week of August! I am so thankful I can be back with my kids for a couple more months, and it makes this first time around leaving a lot easier to think about, knowing I will see them a month later.

Honduras seems to have only two seasons... wet and dry. Right now we are in the "dry season." This means  that we are spared from most bugs for the time being, however wild fires occur every day. Emmanuel has had a couple of fires on it's property since I've been here, none close to any of the buildings or kids, and all have gone out within a day or so. Last Wednesday morning there was a lot of smoke around us, and it got worse throughout the day... by the afternoon we could see there was fire on the property surrounding us... and by evening it was on our property. In the three months I've been here, I've never seen a fire so close to any of the kids houses as it was last week... it was a scary sight wednesday night, however it looked much closer to the houses than it actually was, and no one was hurt and no buildings or man-made property damaged. Praise the Lord!

In Honduras, the week before Easter Sunday is referred to as "Semana Santa" (Holy week), and almost everyone is off of school and work. Our town even shut town for a couple days, almost none of the stores were open! This was such a fun week for us because the kids did not have school, and we had a whole bunch of free time to just play with the kids. Emmanuel has a lot of property that has not yet been built on, and so all the kids got a chance to hike up the mountain that is on our property and have a day to play up there. I went up with my small boys(7-11 years old) one day, and the medium boys(11-13/14 years old) another, and had so much fun playing games and having a picnic with the boys. Feeding 70 boys lunch in the mountain sounded like a difficult task, but we grilled hot dogs over a fire and the boys had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (a treat for them!) and it was a lot of fun. There was a team here from Union College in Tennessee, and they made a slip and slide for each group of kids to play on. My boys loved it! Again, getting 57 boys down a slip and slide without having chaos may sound impossible, but they were very well behaved and there were no injuries (other than quite a few sore bellies, but what else can you expect when you slide down a piece of tarp 15 times in a row?). Elisabeth and I did a picnic lunch/easter egg hunt with our special needs class, and they loved it! It was fun to hide all the eggs and watch them hunt for them, and they also got to have their special treat of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chips, soda... and lots of candy!

This past week, a team called "Soles for Souls" came and delivered all 550 kids a brand new pair of shoes... and the staff and volunteers as well! It was fun to watch all my boys getting sized for their new shoes, and watching them all showing them off on the way to school the next day. Every Tuesday night the women on staff hold a Bible study, and this week they invited the girl volunteers to join in as well. When we got there we found four boxes of TEVA sandals, and all got to take a pair home. I have been in need of a new pair of sandals, and so I was thrilled! Just another example of how God provides, even for the little things.

I can't believe how fast 3 months has flown by, and while I am excited to go home and see friends and family, I can't imagine not being here for a month! After that I will only be back here for a couple months, and I'm bracing myself for that goodbye... but trying to take it one day at a time and enjoy every moment I have with these kids. Even when those moments include language barriers, tears, and ears that are not listening! I love even the difficult moments here, and am always learning. Speaking of learning... finals for my online classes are coming up within the next month, and I am not looking forward to the extra school work! To all my faithful prayer warriors- please pray that I will be diligent with that as well as being able to balance my time and responsibilities here. Dios los bendiga!

January 17, 2013 until now

When I first arrived here in Honduras I began sending out email updates to those who wanted them... however I've decided that this would be an easier way for anyone to check in on how things are going down here in good ole Guaimaca (and would give those of you who didn't realize how many emails they were asking for a way out)! For those of you who have never received an email update, here's a quick little catch up on what's been going on in my life in the past two or so months.

I have been living at Orphanage Emmanuel in Guaimaca, Honduras since the end of January. When I first got here I worked in the toddler house for a couple of weeks- a fun but exhausting place to be! Then, I met Ninoska. She is a fifteen year old girl living with epilepsy, and who's brain is a mystery to her doctors right now. Before I got here, I'm told that she was capable of walking, talking, even running. When I met Ninoska, she was laying in a bed in the clinic, unable to walk, talk, or even crack a smile at anyone. After about a week, she began to smile every once in a while. And then we got her to start feeding herself. And then she would walk (with our assistance) and use the bathroom on her own. And then the words started to come, and suddenly this girl I spent so much of my time with had a voice. Ninoska is still a mystery, and she can be her own worst enemy at times because she is so stubborn! But her doctors and us are still working with her in hopes that she will return to her normal level of functioning. Some time during that adventure, I got the exciting news that I was going to be co-teaching a class for some of the children here with special needs. My sweet friend Elisabeth and I have absolutely no experience in teaching, however God has provided us with two housemates who do, and through all of our pooled resources we are slowly but surely getting the hang of it. I also got moved to the small boys house to assist during meal times. Breakfast, lunch and dinner I head over there to do medicine and bandages and all that fun stuff for 54 boys ages 7-11. I love them! They are so sweet and helpful, and there is always some fun story to tell from a day with them. So that is where I'm at now. My days are spent trying as best I know how to fix all my boys' "dueles" or "hurts" and loving on as many children as possible in a day, and to my surprise, teaching (or at least trying to teach). By the way, I have the kids pretty fooled... I'm now referred to often as "profe" or "maestra," both names for teacher in spanish. Little do they know I'm learning just as much as they are as we go!

I originally planned to return home in May after four months of being here, and had no intention of returning to Emmanuel, or at least not any time soon. However I have decided I will be returning to Emmanuel in either June or August, and I am not sure how long it will be for. Possibly just the summer, maybe only a year or two, maybe much longer... I am living by faith on this! I am so in love with all of the children here, I love the language, I love the mountains that surround me, I love the beautiful sunsets I am spoiled by every single night... I love this place. I hope to work more in depth with the children here who have special needs, and not only with my class of 18, but with all of them. I would greatly appreciate prayer on all of these things, because there are decisions that need to be made and that need to be made soon!

Today in church our speaker read through Hebrews 11, and for those of you who have read it will not be surprised to hear the topic was faith. The chapter starts out with "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" (v 1). It continues to speak on Old Testament examples of people who lived by faith. It is such an amazing chapter and such a great lesson to hear about during a time when I so desperately need to cling to faith! I love that even though I am in Honduras, in a spanish speaking country (I took six years of a foreign language in school.... six years of french), I still can go to church on Sunday morning and Worship and learn and receive fellowship, just like I would back in America. I really love Sunday mornings here at Orphanage Emmanuel.

Overall, I am so happy and so blessed and so thankful to be here. Thank you to everyone who has supported me thus far, whether financially, or in prayer, or words of encouragement... it all means so much to me and I truly could not do it without my amazing support group you all have provided me with. Thank you, thank you, thank you!