The countdown has begun: 4 weeks and 3 days. 

For those of you who do not yet know, I am moving (again) in 4 weeks and 3 days. And if I think about it too much or write about it too much I'm bound to get emotional and it's just not time for that because well, I still have 4 weeks and 3 days until this specific "M" word occurs.

But I wanted to reflect a little on the past 11ish months. 

So here goes: Things I've learned in Auburn.

Things I've learned in Auburn, Alabama:

1. How to properly use the pronoun "y'all." (2-4 people, y'all; 5 or more, ALL Y'ALL)

2. If you use the word wicked as an adverb (like we new englanders do), you will be looked at like you have 5 heads, or laughed at, or both.

3. "Bless her heart" is used to cover up something unkind that was said. And it kind of works. 

I.E. "she's from Massachusetts and has no idea what a big deal football is here, bless her heart"

4. Football is a really, really big deal here. (not NFL, college). Like, football is life in the fall. 

5. If I want any of my southern friends to attend my wedding, it cannot be held in the fall (see above).

6. "War Eagle" is a greeting, much like, "hi", "hello", or "hey."

7. Black eyed peas are not just the name of a band. (they're a vegetable. that people eat. usually with fried chicken)

8. Chacos are not chocolate covered tacos, but sandals. 

9. Upon meeting someone for the first time, it is not unusual for them to invite you over for dinner. And most likely mean it.

10. Southern belles & gentleman are not fictional, but very present in the south. Until football season begins... then anyone can get ugly (See #3, 4, 5).

11. BBQ is not made at a backyard get together. There are BBQ joints everywhere. And you can eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner there. And it is GOOD.

12. "Be sweet" and "don't be ugly" are how we say "behave" and "stop being a brat."

13. But underneath all that sweetness, people still understand sarcasm here. They're actually pretty good at it. 

14. It is possible to be adopted into a family you've just met. I've got two of them here. 

15. Bottom line is: I love the south. Everything about it. And I am so going to miss the weather and the people and the southern accents and the southern phrases and the southern food and just the south in general. 

In 4 weeks and 3 days I will be headed to my next adventure: Pennsylvania. I am feeling a giant mix of emotions but I know that God has a plan and He can use me and you, wherever we live. Life is  (quite literally for me) a journey, and I have grown so much during this stop in my life. I am so thankful I've had this experience in Auburn, and I am so excited to see what lies ahead in Greencastle. 

Gracias a Dios. 

Where feet may fail

“When my heart is overwhelmed…”

Overwhelmed. How often do I feel overwhelmed? Overwhelmed with work, decisions, friends, family, life. Overwhelmed with emotion: happiness, sadness, stress, exhaustion (I don’t think exhaustion is actually classified as an emotion but just go with it).

Maybe you’re overwhelmed with bills. You have a stack of checks that need to be paid taller than the checks you have to deposit. Or maybe it’s school. Maybe your assignment list is way longer than you remembered it being last semester and you’re just not sure how you’re going to finish all your work AND sleep this week. Maybe you have so many errands to run, and appointments to go to, and things on your to do list that it just makes you want to curl up in a ball and hide your face and hope they all go away.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve felt this way. So overwhelmed that I’m not sure how much more I can take. And then I read the second part of that Psalm.

“When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:2

The rock that is higher than I. Meaning I can’t get there on my own. Someone else needs to reach down and help me. That is the awesome and terrifying and incredible thing about God. He requires faith. And if you believe that the Bible is true, then you know that faith can move mountains. It can part seas and make the blind see and allowed Peter to walk on water. But there’s another part to that story about walking on water that is often skimmed over:

And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:28-31)

Peter got out of the boat. He took that step of faith. But then he saw the wind, and he got scared. He began to sink. But the awesome part is when he was sinking; he called out for Jesus to save him. And Jesus immediately reached out His hand. He didn’t say “forget about it Peter, you had your chance, you’re on your own now.” He reached out His hand and took hold of him.  

Peter and I must be related somewhere down the line, cause I am so very much like Peter. Taking that step of faith, getting out on the water and then seeing that gust of wind and feeling like I’m about to sink. Some days, I am quick to call out to the Lord for help. Other days it takes me longer. But Jesus never lets me sink. No matter how many times I am one of little faith, He never lets me sink.

Even as I am writing this I am having trouble putting my money where my mouth is. In the back of my mind I’m still worrying about all those little things I surrendered to God last week, yesterday, and again this morning. And I am sure I will need to surrender them again tonight, and tomorrow, and probably next week too. But when my heart (and my head) is overwhelmed, I know that Jesus won’t let me sink. He is the rock that I lean on.

The song Oceans by Hillsong United is a powerful song that has brought me so much comfort in these times of feeling overwhelmed. Here are some of the lyrics: 

You call me out upon the waters

the great unknown, where feet may fail

And there I find you in the mystery

In oceans deep, my faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

and keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me 

You've never failed and You won't start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger 

in the presence of my Savior

Oceans by Hillsong United: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

What's Next?

I have been provided with so many options and opportunities and experiences this past year.

Last January I was able to go to Honduras. And then I got to go back again. I was accepted into two nursing programs. In May, I went on a trip down south with my best friend. Somewhere in the middle of all this traveling, I was able to watch my little brother and biggest encourager receive his high school diploma.

In October, I moved down south to Alabama, and began working with a non-profit Christian ministry which originally began with Billy Graham reaching out to lost kids. I lived with an incredible family who took me in as one of their own and who continue to pour into my life.

I also got to be there the day my childhood best friend gave birth to her daughter. This January, I traveled to Denver and Chicago and was able to visit with old friends in both places. I went to PASSION 2014 and experienced worshipping alongside 20,000 people who shared the same heart as me.

I now have the experience of living in my own apartment. The excitement and the struggle and simply the independence. And I have the opportunity to work with little kids every day as a dental assistant in a pediatric office. It may not be as a nurse like I had always imagined, but pediatrics is something I have always seen myself working in. I'm blessed to be in a long distance relationship with the guy that has been there for me since the day I met him, I was just a little too blind to see it and then a little too stubborn to give in to it.

I have been blessed in ways I never would have imagined. 

And now most people are looking at me and asking, now what?

“So when are you going to come home?”

“When do you start school?”

“What is your plan?”

I appreciate these questions. They are coming from people who love and care about me and I am so thankful that no one is allowing me to simply drop off the face of the earth. However, after hearing these questions in the past 6 months or so, I have a question myself.

Why is it that we’re always wondering what comes next?

The next adventure, next job, next move, the next step.

Granted, I say this with awareness that life has next steps, next moves, and next adventures. I did not get from Westfield, MA to Auburn, AL without a few steps and moves and adventures in between. And I am looking forward to all of the things that I am hoping will eventually come next.

But I’m not living for them.

The point of my life is not to spend four or more years and spend thousands and thousands of dollars for a piece of paper that says I am now qualified to be an adult. To get an adult job and be paid an adult salary. It’s not to live in a certain place or accomplish a certain amount of things. The point of my life isn’t even to get married or have children.

Will those things happen? Hopefully. At least some of them. But they are not the end goal.

The point of my life is to love and be loved by the God who created me. And to spread that love to everyone I come in contact with. Whether I do that at a 9-5 job or working at a fast food chain or being a stay at home mom. Whether I have a high school diploma, or a bachelor’s degree, or a doctorate. Whether I am single, or dating, or married. Whether it happens in Auburn, or Westfield, or Guaimaca, Honduras.

So for now, I live in a one-bedroom apartment in Alabama. I work 8-5 as a dental assistant and part time as a Campus Life Director for YFC. In my free time I hang out with my favorite southern belle and her husband and kids, and I plan weekend trips to visit friends and family and yes, that special guy I talked about earlier. I don’t know when, or if, I’m going back to school. I don’t know where I will live once my lease is up. I don’t know how long I will live in this magical world where the coldest winter gets is 40 degrees on average (And yes, my body now thinks that is cold).

But I do know that God will guide my steps. That nothing can snatch me out of His hand and that He is worth living for. He is worth surrendering my all for. So I start there. I wake up in the morning and I lay my day down at His feet. And from there, the adventure is His.

Love Them

Auburn City Schools had a snow day today. It rained all day yesterday and it was supposed to get cold last night and they were expecting messy, icy roads this morning.

By 9 am it was 40 degrees and sunny.... the weatherman got it wrong.

Ok now all my northerners, take a minute to giggle a little, maybe let out a sarcastic comment or scoff. I know I did. Now collect yourselves, take a deep breath, and ask yourself:

How often do I get it wrong?

The total sum at the bottom of our bank deposit form, the amount of time it will take us to get from point a to point b, and how many people was it that showed up today... 30 or 50? I was supposed to be asleep by 10:30 but here it is at 12 am and I am wide awake, millions of thoughts swirling through my brain. Why did I make that decision? Why couldn't I have realized that sooner? I should have planned better for this. I got it wrong last month, I got it wrong again last week, and yesterday my words could have been a whole lot kinder in that conversation. I got it wrong.

I am human. Therefore, I will get it wrong again. And again, and again.

But then I hear my Heavenly Father whisper this: "even before you got it wrong, my daughter, I had a plan to make it right."

"by this we know love, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers" (1 John 3:16).

So let's give the weatherman a break. Or that guy that just cut us off going down 85. Smile at the cashier that's being rude, and pray for the person who's been saying ugly things about you when you're not around. Love them all.  Even when it's difficult. Even when you don't feel like it. We love, because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). Because there is not other response to such unconditional, unfathomable love, than to share it. Even with the people you can't stand to be around. Especially them.

Happy Valentine's Day y'all

per-fek-she-nizem

I never used to see myself as a perfectionist. I get out of bed in the morning and leave it unmade, and I like it that way. I sometimes throw my clothes all over the place instead of putting them back where they belong. At times I have trash on the floor of my car or sticky spots in my cup holders from early morning spilt coffee. I can get a B in a class and be happy with it, and I'm ok with an incomplete on a homework assignment if there's something of higher priority that needs to be done. I mean, I'm currently a college drop out and I'm not having a come-apart over it (a fun phrase I learned down here. It sounds so much more graceful than "mental breakdown").

But lately I see areas in my life where I've been blind to my perfectionism. In my writing, for one. If I haven't posted in this blog for a while it's because I didn't feel I had the perfect words to explain my not so perfect situation. Or maybe I don't feel what's going on is quite as interesting as in the other things I've posted about, so I just don't write at all. You guys probably don't even notice it, but I do. I had a friend tell me once that I tended to write about the "pretty stuff," that I left out the not so pretty, flawed details. Sure, I'll write about things that aren't always positive. But I guess even when I think I'm being honest, in my perfectionism, I'm trying to cover up that honesty with an interesting blog post. Disguise the honest, raw stuff with interesting words and sweet verses and cool stories and sarcastic remarks.

per·fec·tion·ism (per-fek-she-nizem): refusal to accept                                                 any standard short of perfection.

All of my insecurities let that perfectionism shine through. Does she not like me? Did they think I was sweet enough? Did I impress him? Or worse- was that prayer good enough? Did I sound "spiritually mature?" I hope they didn't all realize the truth: that I feel completely inadequate, completely unable. That walking into this room alone is awkward for me. That I am so uncomfortable.

Or how about my faith? Yep, I said it. Okay so I know God loves me, I know He forgave my sins... but maybe last night I opened my mouth a few too many times when I should have stayed quiet. I didn't say very nice things. Or I had judgmental thoughts. I made a rash decision without thinking it all the way through first. I didn't talk to that person sitting by themselves at the coffee shop even though I knew I was supposed to. I haven't read my Bible in 3 days. I might as well give up, cause I can't do this whole being Christian thing. I'm just not perfect at it.

Oh I can tell other people that they don't need to be perfect. That God loves them anyways.. I can recite all those verses and write blog posts about it til I'm blue in the face but when it comes to myself I refuse to let up. And I don't even realize the self destruction until I've broken myself down.

I have a lot of alone time here. I'm still meeting people and finding my place and other than work I don't have a whole lot of things to occupy my time with. As a result I end up with a lot of time left alone with my thoughts, my insecurities, my imperfections. And I can use this time in one of two ways. I can let all those thoughts, the loneliness, the uncertainty of tomorrow... I can flinch at the times I recall saying or doing the wrong thing and wish away all those awkward moments or times when I truly just let my flesh win. Or I can put my confidence in the Lord. I can trust that He will take care of tomorrow, as he has so many times before. That He will guide my steps. That His grace is enough. That when He was nailed up on that cross and He muttered "It is finished" with His dying breath, and 3 days later when He beat that same death, when He came alive again after a full 72 hours of being dead.... that is when His blood covered me. He covered all of my sins, my insecurities, my fleshly desires and my imperfections. He scooped me up with His wounded hands from the nails that put Him up on that cross and He said to me "My grace is sufficent for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."

So I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me (2 Corinthians 12:8-9).

The Minute Magazine

I was recently blessed with the opportunity to share an article in a small Louisiana magazine called "The Minute Magazine." I thought I would post it on here if anyone is interested in reading it! My article is on pages 42-43.

http://issuu.com/theminutemagazine/docs/mm_nov_dec_2013_online

Y'all, football

I meet a lot of new people here. Mostly because everyone I know lives, well, not in Alabama. It always makes me laugh when the first question out of someone's mouth after they meet me is "so where are you from?" ...I mean, is it really that obvious I'm not from here?

But then when I say I'm from Massachusetts, the next thing is always "you don't sound like you're from Boston!" Trying to explain to people not from New England that there is in fact more to Massachusetts than just Boston is a more difficult task than you would think.

And then there's the football thing. I grew up with Sunday afternoon football, occasionally Monday night football. We root for the Patriots from our couches at home and are perfectly content with it. To my northern friends- it is a whole other world down here. Whether you are meeting someone for the first time, meeting someone for lunch, in a board meeting or a staff meeting... any and every meeting begins and concludes with football talk. And not the NFL. And not just college football... high school football too. They actually changed the date of halloween here because there was a high school football game on halloween. So the city of Opelika mandated that trick-or-treating would be done on the night of the 30th, not the 31st. Seriously, football is a big deal here. I went to a football game at a very small high school out in the country and I wanted to know if they had their own football field or if the game would be somewhere else. I thought I was going to cause a heart attack. Apparently every school has a football field. Except the town I grew up in. We had Bullens field.

But somewhere in between the struggle to not succumb to the peer pressure to say "y'all" and the process of learning my roles in a new job, a lot of new names, and how to keep up with football stats, I've survived my first month in Alabama. There have been easy days, and there have been not so easy days. I've been tired, really tired. There have been trials but there have also been many, many blessings. I am learning more and more every day about the sovereignty of God, and how much better His plans are than mine. Seriously, He's just good at the whole planning thing.

By the way, they do in fact know about iced coffee and sarcasm down here. So that was a relief. I might just make it after all.



"But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ." -Phil. 3:7-8