I will miss nights like last night.
Hugs from my freshly showered, footie-pajama-ed boys. Fixing their cuts and scrapes from the day and helping Richard (one of our boys with special needs) brush his teeth, because if Melissa and I don't, no one will. Quizzing those who had an exam today on their multiplication facts, and letting them jump around and act wild for a few minutes to let out some energy before bed. Saying "buenas noches" and "te quiero mucho mucho mucho" 57 times and then some. Walking home to a picturesque sunset that only our God could have created and coming home to my sister Andi saying "so what are we gonna make for dinner?" Enjoying fresh guacamole that only Honduran avocados seem to make right and then sitting outside and reading God's love letter to me while hearing shrieks of joy in the background as the older girls head back from their discipleship meeting. Getting into bed and finding a heart-shaped balloon from who, I don't know, and messaging family and friends back home before heading to sleep. Busy nights? Sometimes. Would I trade them? Never.
And I will miss mornings like this morning.
Waking up at the same time that I have been everyday this week and thinking "siempre." Then shaking my head at the fact that the first thought I had today was in spanish and not english. Waking up to a link to a blogpost sent by a friend, and receiving an encouraging word before even getting out of bed. Having fellowship first thing in the morning as Melissa and I walk to our boys house and having a staff member say "how are you two so happy, so early?" Seeing the boys on their knees with their faces to the floor praying and asking God to bless this day, and to bless those who won't be eating breakfast that morning. The unexplainable pride and joy that comes from hearing those words out of the mouths of children whose parents abandoned them. Hearing "buenas dias" 57 times and then some and receiving the very same hugs I had the night before. Little pajamas to wash and hang out to dry. Hot cereal and coffee with my boys. More hugs and saying "tanga un buen dia" and "portase bien" 57 times as they head off to school. A half hour to read the Word before going to work at the office. Early mornings? Always. But I have been blessed by each and every one of them.
24 more nights like last night, and 23 mornings like this morning. The days left in this season are numbered and even on days like today when I feel tired and yes, even a little grumpy, I am so thankful that I have been blessed with my time here at Emmanuel.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Friday, July 26, 2013
"Follow Me"
As of the 24th, I have one month left here at Emmanuel, which means I am halfway through my Honduran summer. This is bittersweet for me, but I am continuously drawn back to Ecclesiastes 3 which tells us that "for everything there is a season." And boy has this season been full.
In January, I arrived in Honduras, completely unaware of how much change was about to take place in me. In February, I learned about seizure disorders in the clinic while helping to care for a girl with epilepsy. In March, I met my 57 boys who have wormed their way into a place in my heart I didn't know existed. In April, I co-taught a special needs class here at Emmanuel and I believe I learned way more than the kids could have during those classes. In May, I began saying my first round of "not goodbye"s, but "see you later"s. In June, I was welcomed back with open arms by the kids I love so dearly... and I realized that even after 5 weeks without speaking spanish I could still handle myself alright as far as communication was concerned. And July- now that has been an adventure.
I have learned more about the power of prayer these past few weeks than I have in all of my mere 20 years of life. James has always been one of my favorite books of the Bible, but recently a friend of mine here showed me a passage I never noticed before:
"Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops." -James 5:17-18
Elijah's prayer was so powerful that it did not rain, not for one year, not for two years, but for three and a half years. And it wasn't because Elijah was in a place of power, or of high authority. He wasn't a king, or even one of Jesus' 12 disciples. Elijah was a man JUST LIKE US! And yet God heard and answered his prayer in a way no one would have imagined. The power of prayer has nothing to do with how much power the person praying that prayer holds... it has to do with the power of the God hearing that prayer. And the faith in which that person prays. James 1:6 says "but let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind."
...This is where I paused for a couple of days. When I pray, am I really asking in faith? Do I really believe that my prayers will be answered or am I just sitting and hoping that they will be? I have found myself challenging myself as I pray, and it has changed the way I look at my time in prayer.
So Scripturally, these are some of the things that have taught me about the power of prayer. Now let me tell you a little about how God has worked in my life... and how that has added to these Biblical lessons.
A lot of the people that I meet here from the States come from the south... Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee. One area in particular that is very common here is Auburn, Alabama... especially in the summer. I have met so many people from that area since being here, and girls in the house have joked with me about moving down there. It started out as a joke, and turned into a thought that I began praying about. One day my friend Melissa and I sat down to pray about what was on our hearts. For me, moving to Auburn was one of those things..and so we sat for about a half an hour pouring our hearts out to the Lord together.
The next day was a Wednesday. Every morning here the kids have what we call "morning circle," which is a time where the kids stand together and listen to a devotion given by one of the staff here, and when teams are here, a team member will speak. A guy from the team (which was by no coincidence from Auburn) spoke about Jonah. After he finished telling the story to the kids, he said "If you feel God is telling you to do something, don't be afraid to do it." That pulled at my heart and I wasn't sure exactly why. That morning I was supposed to help my friend Amy teach English class, and when we went down to the school we found there was no first period english class. And so we went to the office to print out papers for the kids in the next class.
Side note: I had been working in the office for the past week, and hadn't had much work to do because no group members had come in to ask about sponsorship for the kids. Working with Amy had been another answer to pray because I was feeling a little out of place, like I didn't have a job at the time. 2 hours after Melissa and I finished praying the night before, Amy had announced she needed help in class. Gracias a Dios.
As we got down to the office there was a group of women waiting to sit down and talk about sponsorship. I found it a little ironic that I had not had any work all week, and now that Amy needed my help I was needed in the office, however I gladly sat down to help them. As they looked through pictures of the kids they told me they were from Auburn, and it was almost like I felt God poking at me saying to tell them I was considering moving there. And so I did. They began to tell me all about the huge college group at their church and asked me what kind of work I was looking to find. As I told them I was a PCA back home for kids with special needs, the woman in front of me told me she worked at an Assisted Living home. She said that I needed to talk to a man from the team named Milton, because he could help me get a job at a Medical Center down there that could potentially put me through school. I was thrilled, and determined to find him at church that night. We exchanged emails, and after they were finished with finding their children to sponsor they went on their way.
Later that day, I saw those women sitting at a table and I stopped to talk to them. They told me I needed to talk to a girl here who was a nursing student at Auburn. As I was walking to my boys house for dinner I saw a girl with an Auburn shirt on, and so I stopped her to see if she was that girl- she was. We began walking back in the direction I came from as she filled me in on the program there. We finished our conversation and I turned to walk once again back to my boys house. I turned around and there was a man from the team walking in my direction. I lifted my hand to say "hi, how's it goin" and continue to the boys house, when he stopped me and said "I've been here all week and I haven't met you yet, what's your name?" ...now I don't know about down south, but up north, that's not a common thing to do. I thought it was odd, but I introduced myself. "Hi Kalli, I'm Milton" was his response. There's no way, I thought. I told him I was supposed to talk to him about getting a job in Auburn and after asking me a few questions he said "done, we're gonna make it happen." We made plans to exchange contact information after church and I continued on to my boys house.
Unreal. It was no coincidence that the man I was supposed to talk to about getting a job walked up to me and introduced himself. I don't believe in coincidences, I believe in God. I believe in the power of prayer. As I told Melissa about all of this I said "in 24 hours God has answered almost every prayer I prayed last night... now all I need is a place to live." In saying this, I had no expectations I would find that that night. However, a friend of mine from Auburn introduced me to her dad after church, and wouldn't you know they offered to let me stay with them for a couple months until I got settled. This was way too much to process in one day, but I was starting to take this whole moving thing seriously. Since that day I have met 2 other people who have offered to get me a job at the same medical center in that area.
And it is no coincidence that in these past weeks I have read and heard the multiple passages in Matthew commanding those who want to follow Jesus to leave everything behind, and do it. Immediately. In Matthew 4, Jesus tells Simon Peter and Andrew to follow Him. And they leave their fishing nets behind, and they go.. immediately. In Matthew 8 Jesus tells those who want to follow Him to not even wait to bury their own father... but to go with Him immediately. "And when He got int he boat, his disciples followed Him" (Matthew 8:23). In Matthew 9, a man leaves behind his tax business to follow Jesus as commanded. In Matthew 10 and 16 we are commanded to "take up our cross" and follow Him. The guy speaking on this passage made it come alive to me when he explained that back then a cross was a form of a deadly weapon. I don't think that in this day and age we fully understand the power of that commandment, and the intensity of its meaning. We are not called to half heartedly follow Jesus. We are called to leave everything behind, even our family members, and our businesses, to take up our cross daily and follow Jesus. And in Matthew 19 Jesus asks even more. A man asks Jesus what "good deed" he must do to earn eternal life (v 16). Jesus' response is "why do you ask me about what is good? There is only One who is good" (v 17). Jesus then tells the man he must follow the ten commandments, which he then lists off. The man says "All these I have kept. What do I still lack?" (v 20). Jesus doesn't tell him "ah alright man you're good then." He doesn't say "good work, you're a good guy, keep on livin' life to the fullest." Jesus says "sell what you posess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me" (v 21). And what did that man do? He walked away, sad... because he had a lot of cool stuff (v 22).
These past few weeks, God has not just taught me about the power of prayer. He has taught me what it really means to be a follower of Christ. And He has challenged me to do it. And so I am. I don't know what God has in store for me down in Alabama. All I know, is the peace I have about making this decision is the same peace I had back in October when I decided to come here. And that was the best decision I have ever made thus far.
Another Auburn friend of mine here received money randomly all week from team members. Enough money to buy a plane ticket... and so she told me she had decided to buy one for me. She bought it Wednesday night, and Thursday afternoon I found $50 on my bed. I have no idea where that money came from, but it is just one more way God has provided for me. And so that money also went towards my plane ticket. I will be going to Alabama for 10 days the first week of September to figure out my job situation and all the other details... please be praying for that!
This is a lot to digest, I know. It is for me as well. However I ask that you please be praying for me as I make this move, that God would continue to be clear in directing me and that I will be willing to follow Him no matter what it means giving up. I don't know yet where I will go to school, or when, but I am trusting that God will show me when I need to know... and that's all I need.
In January, I arrived in Honduras, completely unaware of how much change was about to take place in me. In February, I learned about seizure disorders in the clinic while helping to care for a girl with epilepsy. In March, I met my 57 boys who have wormed their way into a place in my heart I didn't know existed. In April, I co-taught a special needs class here at Emmanuel and I believe I learned way more than the kids could have during those classes. In May, I began saying my first round of "not goodbye"s, but "see you later"s. In June, I was welcomed back with open arms by the kids I love so dearly... and I realized that even after 5 weeks without speaking spanish I could still handle myself alright as far as communication was concerned. And July- now that has been an adventure.
I have learned more about the power of prayer these past few weeks than I have in all of my mere 20 years of life. James has always been one of my favorite books of the Bible, but recently a friend of mine here showed me a passage I never noticed before:
"Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops." -James 5:17-18
Elijah's prayer was so powerful that it did not rain, not for one year, not for two years, but for three and a half years. And it wasn't because Elijah was in a place of power, or of high authority. He wasn't a king, or even one of Jesus' 12 disciples. Elijah was a man JUST LIKE US! And yet God heard and answered his prayer in a way no one would have imagined. The power of prayer has nothing to do with how much power the person praying that prayer holds... it has to do with the power of the God hearing that prayer. And the faith in which that person prays. James 1:6 says "but let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind."
...This is where I paused for a couple of days. When I pray, am I really asking in faith? Do I really believe that my prayers will be answered or am I just sitting and hoping that they will be? I have found myself challenging myself as I pray, and it has changed the way I look at my time in prayer.
So Scripturally, these are some of the things that have taught me about the power of prayer. Now let me tell you a little about how God has worked in my life... and how that has added to these Biblical lessons.
A lot of the people that I meet here from the States come from the south... Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee. One area in particular that is very common here is Auburn, Alabama... especially in the summer. I have met so many people from that area since being here, and girls in the house have joked with me about moving down there. It started out as a joke, and turned into a thought that I began praying about. One day my friend Melissa and I sat down to pray about what was on our hearts. For me, moving to Auburn was one of those things..and so we sat for about a half an hour pouring our hearts out to the Lord together.
The next day was a Wednesday. Every morning here the kids have what we call "morning circle," which is a time where the kids stand together and listen to a devotion given by one of the staff here, and when teams are here, a team member will speak. A guy from the team (which was by no coincidence from Auburn) spoke about Jonah. After he finished telling the story to the kids, he said "If you feel God is telling you to do something, don't be afraid to do it." That pulled at my heart and I wasn't sure exactly why. That morning I was supposed to help my friend Amy teach English class, and when we went down to the school we found there was no first period english class. And so we went to the office to print out papers for the kids in the next class.
Side note: I had been working in the office for the past week, and hadn't had much work to do because no group members had come in to ask about sponsorship for the kids. Working with Amy had been another answer to pray because I was feeling a little out of place, like I didn't have a job at the time. 2 hours after Melissa and I finished praying the night before, Amy had announced she needed help in class. Gracias a Dios.
As we got down to the office there was a group of women waiting to sit down and talk about sponsorship. I found it a little ironic that I had not had any work all week, and now that Amy needed my help I was needed in the office, however I gladly sat down to help them. As they looked through pictures of the kids they told me they were from Auburn, and it was almost like I felt God poking at me saying to tell them I was considering moving there. And so I did. They began to tell me all about the huge college group at their church and asked me what kind of work I was looking to find. As I told them I was a PCA back home for kids with special needs, the woman in front of me told me she worked at an Assisted Living home. She said that I needed to talk to a man from the team named Milton, because he could help me get a job at a Medical Center down there that could potentially put me through school. I was thrilled, and determined to find him at church that night. We exchanged emails, and after they were finished with finding their children to sponsor they went on their way.
Later that day, I saw those women sitting at a table and I stopped to talk to them. They told me I needed to talk to a girl here who was a nursing student at Auburn. As I was walking to my boys house for dinner I saw a girl with an Auburn shirt on, and so I stopped her to see if she was that girl- she was. We began walking back in the direction I came from as she filled me in on the program there. We finished our conversation and I turned to walk once again back to my boys house. I turned around and there was a man from the team walking in my direction. I lifted my hand to say "hi, how's it goin" and continue to the boys house, when he stopped me and said "I've been here all week and I haven't met you yet, what's your name?" ...now I don't know about down south, but up north, that's not a common thing to do. I thought it was odd, but I introduced myself. "Hi Kalli, I'm Milton" was his response. There's no way, I thought. I told him I was supposed to talk to him about getting a job in Auburn and after asking me a few questions he said "done, we're gonna make it happen." We made plans to exchange contact information after church and I continued on to my boys house.
Unreal. It was no coincidence that the man I was supposed to talk to about getting a job walked up to me and introduced himself. I don't believe in coincidences, I believe in God. I believe in the power of prayer. As I told Melissa about all of this I said "in 24 hours God has answered almost every prayer I prayed last night... now all I need is a place to live." In saying this, I had no expectations I would find that that night. However, a friend of mine from Auburn introduced me to her dad after church, and wouldn't you know they offered to let me stay with them for a couple months until I got settled. This was way too much to process in one day, but I was starting to take this whole moving thing seriously. Since that day I have met 2 other people who have offered to get me a job at the same medical center in that area.
And it is no coincidence that in these past weeks I have read and heard the multiple passages in Matthew commanding those who want to follow Jesus to leave everything behind, and do it. Immediately. In Matthew 4, Jesus tells Simon Peter and Andrew to follow Him. And they leave their fishing nets behind, and they go.. immediately. In Matthew 8 Jesus tells those who want to follow Him to not even wait to bury their own father... but to go with Him immediately. "And when He got int he boat, his disciples followed Him" (Matthew 8:23). In Matthew 9, a man leaves behind his tax business to follow Jesus as commanded. In Matthew 10 and 16 we are commanded to "take up our cross" and follow Him. The guy speaking on this passage made it come alive to me when he explained that back then a cross was a form of a deadly weapon. I don't think that in this day and age we fully understand the power of that commandment, and the intensity of its meaning. We are not called to half heartedly follow Jesus. We are called to leave everything behind, even our family members, and our businesses, to take up our cross daily and follow Jesus. And in Matthew 19 Jesus asks even more. A man asks Jesus what "good deed" he must do to earn eternal life (v 16). Jesus' response is "why do you ask me about what is good? There is only One who is good" (v 17). Jesus then tells the man he must follow the ten commandments, which he then lists off. The man says "All these I have kept. What do I still lack?" (v 20). Jesus doesn't tell him "ah alright man you're good then." He doesn't say "good work, you're a good guy, keep on livin' life to the fullest." Jesus says "sell what you posess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me" (v 21). And what did that man do? He walked away, sad... because he had a lot of cool stuff (v 22).
These past few weeks, God has not just taught me about the power of prayer. He has taught me what it really means to be a follower of Christ. And He has challenged me to do it. And so I am. I don't know what God has in store for me down in Alabama. All I know, is the peace I have about making this decision is the same peace I had back in October when I decided to come here. And that was the best decision I have ever made thus far.
Another Auburn friend of mine here received money randomly all week from team members. Enough money to buy a plane ticket... and so she told me she had decided to buy one for me. She bought it Wednesday night, and Thursday afternoon I found $50 on my bed. I have no idea where that money came from, but it is just one more way God has provided for me. And so that money also went towards my plane ticket. I will be going to Alabama for 10 days the first week of September to figure out my job situation and all the other details... please be praying for that!
This is a lot to digest, I know. It is for me as well. However I ask that you please be praying for me as I make this move, that God would continue to be clear in directing me and that I will be willing to follow Him no matter what it means giving up. I don't know yet where I will go to school, or when, but I am trusting that God will show me when I need to know... and that's all I need.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Readjusting
"For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it"
-Matthew 16:25
These words keep playing themselves over in my mind this morning. Living away from home, away from everyone you know, in a country where you don't even really speak the language.. it gives you more time to think. How many times in a day, an hour even, do I think more about myself than about others? More about what I want to do, how I feel, what I think... rather than how the person next to me wants to do, how they feel or what they think. It's so easy to be self centered without even realizing it. And then, God smacks you upside the head with a Bible verse that won't leave your mind. Like this morning, with Matthew 16:25.
Readjusting to anything takes a little bit of time, and there is always good and bad. I am thrilled to be back at Emmanuel, and so thankful I was placed with my boys again. I have loved seeing all the kids... there are so many it seems that everyday I'm seeing someone for the first time since I've been back! I knew before I left that when I came back there would be changes, some things would be different than before, because things always change. I knew there would be all new girls in the house I live in and that I would not have the other girl volunteers that I had become so close with anymore. All of that is true... but it is not necessarily a bad thing. I so easily made a comfort zone here at Emmanuel.. and as appealing as that is, we are called to live outside of our comfort zone. And so once again, that is where I am... and God is using that. He is showing me that in order to find my life in Jesus, I need to lose all the comforts and worldliness of my life. This sounds like a one time process, and maybe for some people it is. But for me, it is a yearly, monthly, sometimes even weekly or daily process. I give up one distraction and then without realizing it I acquire another. But God is working on my heart, and I am so thankful for the peace I feel here. I love Honduras, and I love Emmanuel.
I have been here for almost one week, and as I said, I am back with the 8-10 year old boys that I worked with for 3 months out of my last time here. It is so good to be with them! I feel that I have picked up right where I left off with the kids here. I am also working in the office, which always is a different task than the day before and I am always learning something new about Emmanuel. Please pray for opportunities to talk to these kids about their relationship with Jesus, and that they see Him in my daily words and actions. Pray that I will show them patience and grace, even when it is difficult. And pray for safe travels for everyone coming to and leaving Emmanuel... there is a new team here every week!
Thank you for your prayers and support... I so appreciate it!
-Matthew 16:25
These words keep playing themselves over in my mind this morning. Living away from home, away from everyone you know, in a country where you don't even really speak the language.. it gives you more time to think. How many times in a day, an hour even, do I think more about myself than about others? More about what I want to do, how I feel, what I think... rather than how the person next to me wants to do, how they feel or what they think. It's so easy to be self centered without even realizing it. And then, God smacks you upside the head with a Bible verse that won't leave your mind. Like this morning, with Matthew 16:25.
Readjusting to anything takes a little bit of time, and there is always good and bad. I am thrilled to be back at Emmanuel, and so thankful I was placed with my boys again. I have loved seeing all the kids... there are so many it seems that everyday I'm seeing someone for the first time since I've been back! I knew before I left that when I came back there would be changes, some things would be different than before, because things always change. I knew there would be all new girls in the house I live in and that I would not have the other girl volunteers that I had become so close with anymore. All of that is true... but it is not necessarily a bad thing. I so easily made a comfort zone here at Emmanuel.. and as appealing as that is, we are called to live outside of our comfort zone. And so once again, that is where I am... and God is using that. He is showing me that in order to find my life in Jesus, I need to lose all the comforts and worldliness of my life. This sounds like a one time process, and maybe for some people it is. But for me, it is a yearly, monthly, sometimes even weekly or daily process. I give up one distraction and then without realizing it I acquire another. But God is working on my heart, and I am so thankful for the peace I feel here. I love Honduras, and I love Emmanuel.
I have been here for almost one week, and as I said, I am back with the 8-10 year old boys that I worked with for 3 months out of my last time here. It is so good to be with them! I feel that I have picked up right where I left off with the kids here. I am also working in the office, which always is a different task than the day before and I am always learning something new about Emmanuel. Please pray for opportunities to talk to these kids about their relationship with Jesus, and that they see Him in my daily words and actions. Pray that I will show them patience and grace, even when it is difficult. And pray for safe travels for everyone coming to and leaving Emmanuel... there is a new team here every week!
Thank you for your prayers and support... I so appreciate it!
Rolando, Daniel, Domingo and Josue David-
so happy to be reunited with all of my boys!
Karla and Zelenes-
two girls that are very dear to my heart
My mama wrote me letters to open while I was here,
I am so thankful for her love and support!
Beautiful girls!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Rafael "deteve"
This is Rafael, or as we all call him "deteve." By looking at his stick-figure frame it's impossible to tell that this bundle of joy is 18... it is not hard to tell he is also very sick. Deteve has been sick since I got her, however his condition has worsened over the past month. This boy captured my heart months ago and it hurts me to see him in so much pain. I'm asking you all to pray fervently for Deteve and his health. Pray that he will no longer have to be in pain as he has been as long as anyone can remember. He is a happy boy, and loves to goof off... just tonight when we visited him in the clinic, he made us wait to take these photos while he "freshened up" ...too cute! Please pray, friends. This sweet boy needs to get better.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
The Home Stretch
If you had asked me 2 years ago if I would be overseas in the spring of 2013, surprisingly I would have said yes. This time 2 years ago I was graduating high school and excited to start in Messiah College's nursing program in the fall. My dream was to study abroad in my spring sophomore semester (the only semester nursing students are allowed to go abroad). Little did I know God had had plans that far exceeded my dreams at the time.
Today I'm writing this as a "break" from writing my final essays for the online classes I have been taking over the four months of being in Honduras. I did end up studying abroad the spring semester of my sophomore year... just not in the way I expected to! Having classes to do while being here was at times frustrating, and to be honest I did not enjoy it. I either had to do homework when I was exhausted from being with kids all day, or I had to skip being with kids to do homework... I disliked both of those options. My one "day off" a week consisted of always thinking about the homework I needed to get done, or actually doing it (I admit, I struggle with the ever common procrastination disease). However I know that it will be rewarding in the end when I'm not receiving loan bills in the mail this summer, and so it was worth it.
On top of studying english, history, and math while being here, I have also been studying spanish... in the absolute best way you can study the language: by being completely emersed in it. I came to Honduras with little to no spanish, and was completely overwhelmed when I first got here. I slowly learned a few words, the most important ones when taking care of toddlers: sit down, calm down, get down, eat, bathroom... the crucial phrases for 2-4 year olds. Thankfully "no" is said the same in spanish as in english... just in case I wasn't sure of that I had a couple 4 year old girls remind me of that one. Then I began to really put in effort of making conversation with some of the older girls who worked at the toddler house. Through lots of confusion, frustration, and of course many times of being laughed at, I began to catch on.. as well as grow a love for these girls that I didn't know possible. To this day those girls have a giant piece of heart and I don't know what I would do without them. Now, four months later I can hold a conversation fairly well. When left alone without a translator, I can get by. No, I am not fluent, and I don't understand everything said to me, but I have had several amazing conversations with kids here solely in spanish. Some of them have been hard to sit through, and I didn't always know what to say. I truly believe God gave me the ears to hear what these kids were saying regardless of my spanish knowledge, and the words to respond to comfort them as best I could.
Last night I had the privilege of watching Slum dog Millionare with my older girls at the toddler house (For those of you who have not seen this movie... you now have plans for tonight. I'm telling you, you won't regret it). I knew this movie would be a risk because it might bring up things from their past, however I really felt it would be good for them. Kenia cried, but I could see her heart truly feeling for those kids. Jesi was appalled. Many of them seemed shocked at things that happened... I don't think they realize this movie, that took place in India, could very well have taken place in Tegucigalpa. The scenery of hills covered in trash and houses piled on top of each other is the same scenery I see every time I leave this orphanage. The movie was in english, with Spanish subtitles and I was blessed to have enough understanding to talk those girls through the whole movie. They were either silent and listening, or asking questions of why things happened; guiding them through those emotions was one of the most eye opening experiences I have had here.
Last week in my small boys house one of the my boys who has been given more responsibilities was misbehaving during their cleaning time. His punishment? He wasn't allowed to clean the next day. I'm telling you, you would've thought I just took away and American 10 year old's play station for a month. He was so mad at me he wouldn't even look my direction all day. This was an ironic situation (I wish my mom took away my cleaning privileges when I misbehaved as a 10 year old), but also a learning one as well. It was difficult to have him be mad at me. Mom, I am so sorry for all those times I gave you the silent treatment! It was hard not to say "forget it Saul, you can go clean" (Im trying not to laugh as I write those words). But at the end of the day, he pulled me aside and apologized. After a hug, he immediately asked if he could clean again (I mean, seriously kid?) and I had to tell him he still could not for the rest of the day. THAT was hard! He apologized, I can take away his punishment now, right? But I knew that I needed to follow through so that he would learn there are consequences with his actions... even if it meant the silent treatment again. But he surprised me, and just smiled and said "okay, tomorrow" and walked to his room to take a shower. Moments like that, when a kid just gets it... they make up for all the moments where I feel like I'm pulling teeth to get the kids to listen.
It's my last week here until June, and I'm already preparing myself for saying bye to my kids. I know that I will be back here in a month, and so it is not as hard, but I will miss being with them everyday! I know that adjusting to life back into the states will be different, but I am excited to take all that I have learned here, all that I have grown in, back with me to put it to use for God's glory. I am so thankful for these past four months, and am so excited to have 2 more months with these kids (WITHOUT homework!)
"And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary" -Galations 6:9
Today I'm writing this as a "break" from writing my final essays for the online classes I have been taking over the four months of being in Honduras. I did end up studying abroad the spring semester of my sophomore year... just not in the way I expected to! Having classes to do while being here was at times frustrating, and to be honest I did not enjoy it. I either had to do homework when I was exhausted from being with kids all day, or I had to skip being with kids to do homework... I disliked both of those options. My one "day off" a week consisted of always thinking about the homework I needed to get done, or actually doing it (I admit, I struggle with the ever common procrastination disease). However I know that it will be rewarding in the end when I'm not receiving loan bills in the mail this summer, and so it was worth it.
On top of studying english, history, and math while being here, I have also been studying spanish... in the absolute best way you can study the language: by being completely emersed in it. I came to Honduras with little to no spanish, and was completely overwhelmed when I first got here. I slowly learned a few words, the most important ones when taking care of toddlers: sit down, calm down, get down, eat, bathroom... the crucial phrases for 2-4 year olds. Thankfully "no" is said the same in spanish as in english... just in case I wasn't sure of that I had a couple 4 year old girls remind me of that one. Then I began to really put in effort of making conversation with some of the older girls who worked at the toddler house. Through lots of confusion, frustration, and of course many times of being laughed at, I began to catch on.. as well as grow a love for these girls that I didn't know possible. To this day those girls have a giant piece of heart and I don't know what I would do without them. Now, four months later I can hold a conversation fairly well. When left alone without a translator, I can get by. No, I am not fluent, and I don't understand everything said to me, but I have had several amazing conversations with kids here solely in spanish. Some of them have been hard to sit through, and I didn't always know what to say. I truly believe God gave me the ears to hear what these kids were saying regardless of my spanish knowledge, and the words to respond to comfort them as best I could.
Last night I had the privilege of watching Slum dog Millionare with my older girls at the toddler house (For those of you who have not seen this movie... you now have plans for tonight. I'm telling you, you won't regret it). I knew this movie would be a risk because it might bring up things from their past, however I really felt it would be good for them. Kenia cried, but I could see her heart truly feeling for those kids. Jesi was appalled. Many of them seemed shocked at things that happened... I don't think they realize this movie, that took place in India, could very well have taken place in Tegucigalpa. The scenery of hills covered in trash and houses piled on top of each other is the same scenery I see every time I leave this orphanage. The movie was in english, with Spanish subtitles and I was blessed to have enough understanding to talk those girls through the whole movie. They were either silent and listening, or asking questions of why things happened; guiding them through those emotions was one of the most eye opening experiences I have had here.
Last week in my small boys house one of the my boys who has been given more responsibilities was misbehaving during their cleaning time. His punishment? He wasn't allowed to clean the next day. I'm telling you, you would've thought I just took away and American 10 year old's play station for a month. He was so mad at me he wouldn't even look my direction all day. This was an ironic situation (I wish my mom took away my cleaning privileges when I misbehaved as a 10 year old), but also a learning one as well. It was difficult to have him be mad at me. Mom, I am so sorry for all those times I gave you the silent treatment! It was hard not to say "forget it Saul, you can go clean" (Im trying not to laugh as I write those words). But at the end of the day, he pulled me aside and apologized. After a hug, he immediately asked if he could clean again (I mean, seriously kid?) and I had to tell him he still could not for the rest of the day. THAT was hard! He apologized, I can take away his punishment now, right? But I knew that I needed to follow through so that he would learn there are consequences with his actions... even if it meant the silent treatment again. But he surprised me, and just smiled and said "okay, tomorrow" and walked to his room to take a shower. Moments like that, when a kid just gets it... they make up for all the moments where I feel like I'm pulling teeth to get the kids to listen.
It's my last week here until June, and I'm already preparing myself for saying bye to my kids. I know that I will be back here in a month, and so it is not as hard, but I will miss being with them everyday! I know that adjusting to life back into the states will be different, but I am excited to take all that I have learned here, all that I have grown in, back with me to put it to use for God's glory. I am so thankful for these past four months, and am so excited to have 2 more months with these kids (WITHOUT homework!)
"And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary" -Galations 6:9
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Sick days
I think I have finally pinpointed the hardest part of this whole adventure for me: the kids can't have sick days. When I was little and would get sick, my mom would bring my pillow and blanket to the couch, tuck me in and watch a movie with me. She'd make me soup and bring me juice or ginger ale, and spoil me until I felt better.
Last week, one of my boys had a stomach bug with a fever... all I could do was give him Tums for his belly, Motrin for his fever, and a hug before sending him back with the other kids. When I went to check on him I found him sleeping in the shade because he was too sick to play with his friends.
Yesterday I noticed one of the boys who is particularly outgoing was strangely quiet... I felt his forehead and took his temperature and wouldn't you know, he had a fever. This morning he woke up with his face swollen, and I took him to the clinic to find out that he has an infection in his mouth. He was given Motrin and an antibiotic, and sent back to the house. I wished so badly I could tuck him into bed and let him watch a movie... but instead I had to send him to play with the other boys outside. He managed a half a smile (with the normal-sized side of his face) when I told him I would see him later, but I know he is in pain.
I know these kids don't know the American life of being able to take a sick day, and so they don't even realize what they are missing. But after multiple days of taking care of sick children here, it still breaks my heart the same to see them sick or in pain and unable to rest in a comfortable bed. Don't get me wrong... these kids are very blessed. They receive three meals a day, clean clothes and a bed to sleep in. They never go without their needs being met here. Every child is hugged, and they know that they are loved by the staff and volunteers.
The difference is that an orphanage's standard for care, and my standard for care are not the same. And that has been one of the most challenging things for me in the past 3 months... learning that my expectations for how these kids should be cared for is not realistic for here. Because my expectations, my standard, is coming from living in a family of 5, with a mom and a dad and a large home where we all had our own bed. Here, the kids live in a family of 600.
In my boys house, there are 4 girls who help out between the ages of 16-22. There is myself, another volunteer, and 2 male staff members. I shared my mom and dad with 2 brothers. My boys have to share their 8 parental figures with 56 brothers. Maybe 8 sounds like a lot, because we are in an orphanage of 600 kids. I mean that's a 7:1 ratio right? But it's not enough. The kids are provided for, they are loved. But if I could have one thing in this life it would be that each and every one of these kids could experience the love of a real family.
And that's when I have to remind myself that they can.The book of Psalms is filled with promises for my boys. Psalm 68:5 tells them that God is a Father to the fatherless. "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3).The Lord has promised my boys that even though their father and mother have forsaken them, He will take them in (Psalm 27:10). Jesus has spoken the words "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you" (John 14:8). And so even though I may worry about Efrain, and Jose Miguel, and Cristian Josue. Even though I am human and I feel that Erik and Roy and Fernando don't have enough, that they aren't cared for the way I was as a 9 year old... God's love and care for these boys, for all the kids at Emmanuel, and for every child in this world, is sufficient.
Proverbs 18:10 says "the name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous runs into it and is safe." All I can picture when I read that promise is all 57 of my boys running and leaping into God's arm for a hug... and every single one of them fitting. Every single one of them receiving the same amount of love, the same amount of hugs, the same care, as I do. On this earth, our lives may be different. It may not be "fair." But this life is not what matters. It is short... eternity is not. And so all I really need to be focusing on while I am here, is showing these boys the love of our Father in Heaven... so that someday, we can all be with Him together, as one family.
Last week, one of my boys had a stomach bug with a fever... all I could do was give him Tums for his belly, Motrin for his fever, and a hug before sending him back with the other kids. When I went to check on him I found him sleeping in the shade because he was too sick to play with his friends.
Yesterday I noticed one of the boys who is particularly outgoing was strangely quiet... I felt his forehead and took his temperature and wouldn't you know, he had a fever. This morning he woke up with his face swollen, and I took him to the clinic to find out that he has an infection in his mouth. He was given Motrin and an antibiotic, and sent back to the house. I wished so badly I could tuck him into bed and let him watch a movie... but instead I had to send him to play with the other boys outside. He managed a half a smile (with the normal-sized side of his face) when I told him I would see him later, but I know he is in pain.
I know these kids don't know the American life of being able to take a sick day, and so they don't even realize what they are missing. But after multiple days of taking care of sick children here, it still breaks my heart the same to see them sick or in pain and unable to rest in a comfortable bed. Don't get me wrong... these kids are very blessed. They receive three meals a day, clean clothes and a bed to sleep in. They never go without their needs being met here. Every child is hugged, and they know that they are loved by the staff and volunteers.
The difference is that an orphanage's standard for care, and my standard for care are not the same. And that has been one of the most challenging things for me in the past 3 months... learning that my expectations for how these kids should be cared for is not realistic for here. Because my expectations, my standard, is coming from living in a family of 5, with a mom and a dad and a large home where we all had our own bed. Here, the kids live in a family of 600.
In my boys house, there are 4 girls who help out between the ages of 16-22. There is myself, another volunteer, and 2 male staff members. I shared my mom and dad with 2 brothers. My boys have to share their 8 parental figures with 56 brothers. Maybe 8 sounds like a lot, because we are in an orphanage of 600 kids. I mean that's a 7:1 ratio right? But it's not enough. The kids are provided for, they are loved. But if I could have one thing in this life it would be that each and every one of these kids could experience the love of a real family.
And that's when I have to remind myself that they can.The book of Psalms is filled with promises for my boys. Psalm 68:5 tells them that God is a Father to the fatherless. "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3).The Lord has promised my boys that even though their father and mother have forsaken them, He will take them in (Psalm 27:10). Jesus has spoken the words "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you" (John 14:8). And so even though I may worry about Efrain, and Jose Miguel, and Cristian Josue. Even though I am human and I feel that Erik and Roy and Fernando don't have enough, that they aren't cared for the way I was as a 9 year old... God's love and care for these boys, for all the kids at Emmanuel, and for every child in this world, is sufficient.
Proverbs 18:10 says "the name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous runs into it and is safe." All I can picture when I read that promise is all 57 of my boys running and leaping into God's arm for a hug... and every single one of them fitting. Every single one of them receiving the same amount of love, the same amount of hugs, the same care, as I do. On this earth, our lives may be different. It may not be "fair." But this life is not what matters. It is short... eternity is not. And so all I really need to be focusing on while I am here, is showing these boys the love of our Father in Heaven... so that someday, we can all be with Him together, as one family.
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